Butata ang local press sa ilusyon ng oslang diva!

HAHAHAHA! How so very amusing naman ang drama ng oslang diva na ‘to na in fairness ay mas hinahangaan bilang isang aktres.

Yes, my dear, she’s better off as an actress and there was even a time when she almost upstaged a famed actress who’s famous for her temper and delusions.

Temper and delusions raw, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, the years have been most unkind to her considering the fact that she didn’t marry and has remained single all these years.

Dahil nag-stage siya ng comeback lately, the public has been given the chance to take a most intimate and perusing look at her aging physiognomy.

The famous acting ability is no doubt very much intact and impressive as always but her once very telegenic appeal is no longer evident.

Crow’s feet galore are harshly etched around her eye area and her forehead is creased and not half as smooth as before.

How so very pathetic!

Even her hands appears to be gnarled and very much the hands of an old woman.

Nevertheless, umaatikabo pa rin daw ang delusions ng singer/actress at bago mo raw ito makapanayam, (that is if she’ll really grant an interview at all…. Hahahahahaha!), magdaraan ka raw sa butas ng karayom.

Obviously, hindi na loaded tulad ng dati ang singer/actress lalo na’t na-bankrupt na raw ang negosyo ng kanilang pamilya kaya scrimp to death siya for the love of survival.

‘Yung utol naman daw kasi niyang nasa politics ay ‘di naman nakatutulong dahil priority nito ang kanyang kept men. Hahahahahahahahaha!

How pitiful naman ever! Hakhakhak!

No matter, she looked harassed the last time we saw her.

It must be hard coping up with genteel poverty when you’ve grown up with fabulous opulence around you practically all of your life.

Kaya ang local press sa kanilang lugar ay naaaning-aning daw sa OPM ng secretary ni madam. Hahahahahaha!

Kiyemeng pinaiiwan pa raw ang kanilang contact number pero never naman daw nag-return call sa kanila ang dating sikat na singer/character actress. Hahahahahahaha!

Hurting daw talaga ang local press sa kanyang indifference pero wala naman silang magawa. Hahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Star Cinema may victory party sa cast ng ‘The Healing’

INASMUCH as work of art ang pagkakagawa ni Direk Chito Roño sa The Healing, hindi naman daw in-expect ng Star Cinema na magiging ganito kabongga ang outcome nito na as of presstime ay na-hit na raw ang P92 million mark, making it the unexpected mega hit of the season.

As of presstime, Vavaling na duldulin, (Hahahahahaha!) balak daw ng Star Cinema na magbigay ng victory party sa cast and crew ng The Healing this coming Wednesday.

Fabulous, di ba naman? Hahahahahahaha!

Kaya ‘yung mga nagti-text riyan para sabihin sa aking 80 million was not that impressive supposedly, something is very wrong with you guys.

Bihira na maka-80 million ang isang pelikula these days.

With the hard times, people would rather spend their hard-earned dough on food and other basic necessities in life than to go to cinemas.

Siyempre pa, may bonus rin daw si Ate Vi, na dapat lang naman since she worked so hard in the completion of this movie that she had to squeeze in to her enervating working sched as Batangas’ lady governor.

Minsan nga, pagod na pagod na ang beauty niya but she never did come to complain for acting is something that she loves to do most second to none.

Tulad nga ng madalas niyang sabihin during most of her interviews, hindi na raw talaga mahihiwalay ang Vilma Santos, the famed actress, sa kanyang pagkatao kahit na ano pa ang marating niya sa larangan ng politika.

Nine years old pa nga lang naman siya, she was already emoting before the cameras and was already acting like a seasoned actress.

Congratulations to Ate Vi and to the cast of The Healing for a job well done, most especially to its competent director, Chito S. Roño.

At least amply rewarded ang mga pagpapagod ninyo sa pabolosang outcome ng inyong pelikula.

***

Botox nakasisira sa mukha ng mga artista!

EWAN ko kung bakit nagogoyo ang mga artista natin, mapa-lalaki man o babae, sa botox treatment na ‘yan to supposedly ward off the onslaught of wrinkles and aging as a whole.

Mabuti nga at nawala na ang botox sa mukha ng isang may edad na pero gwaping pa ring aktor kaya nakaaarte na siya nang maayos.

Ang palihim na pinagtatawanan sa ngayon ay ang sophisticated actress na ‘to na sa kawalan ng magawa sa buhay ay tinadtad yata ng botox injections ang buong mukha kaya parang manas na siya at bloated ang pagmumukha gayung ‘yung isang contemporary niyang aktres ay maganda pa rin at sariwa kahit na walang botox injection sa kanyang mukha.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Nitong manood nga kami ng isang suspense/horror movie kamakailan, nahambal talaga kami at natigalgal sa kinahinatnan ng pagmumukha ng isang dating sex symbol of the 80s.

Honestly, parang nagmukha siyang palaka dahil sa botox na ‘yan at sa halip na bumata at gumanda, parang nagmukha siyang katawa-tawa. Hakhakhak!

Kaya ikaw na nagbabasa nito, even if you have truckloads of money, bago mag-undergo ng ganyang klaseng treatment, pakaisipin muna ng ilang libong beses.

Baka sa halip na makabuti ay lalo pang makasama. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

The Buzz namumukod-tangi!

TALK SHOWS would come and go but ABS CBN’s The Buzz would remain the talkshow to beat in as far as its huge following all over the country (and in the US of A as well) are concerned.

For how could you possibly compete with the brilliance of a Boy Abunda who’s every inch teeming with credibility?

Idagdag mo pa ang kikay na kasosyalan ni Toni Gonzaga, papano ka pa maka-ieksena? Hahahahahahaha!

Of course malaking factor rin ang presence ng intelligence personified na si Ms. Charlene Gonzales na fashion plate rin ang dating at the same time?

Imagine, it’s been years since she represented our country to the Ms. Universe beauty tilt and yet her charm, along with her wit and devastating beauty, has never waned one iota.

Kaya saan pa ba kayo tututok on a Sunday afternoon kundi sa numero unong showbiz-oriented talkshow ng bansa, ang The Buzz!

Dapat lang!

***

Private dancer na si kuya

NAKALULUNGKOT naman ang naging ending ng career ng isang magaling na dancer/actor.

Imagine, dahil laos na at medyo nagka-edad na, hiniwalayan na siya ng dyowa niyang sexy actress na hindi na raw ma-take ang miserable nilang pamumuhay. Along with the veritably unpleasant smell that horribly emanates from his toes. Hahahahahahahaha!

Katawa naman.

Anyway, dahil wala ng offers na dumarating, memories of his past glories is now nothing but a thing of the past.

Considering the fact that he used to be the lead character in most of the movies he did during the mid and late 90s, it pains him enormously a lot that no one seems to remember his fabulous accomplishments in the not-so distant past.

Para mabuhay, tumatanggap na raw ng private bookings ang dating much sought after na dancer/actor kung saan hubo tabo siya while gyrating to the sensuous bit of the music, all in the name of survival.

Pathetic, di ba naman?

But that’s life. Kapag ‘di ka natutong magpahalaga sa pinaghirapan mo, mapupunta ang lahat sa wala.

Mabuti-buti pa ang naging kapalaran ng isa pang dancer/actor na kanyang contemporary.

At least lumalabas pa ito occasionally on national television delineating roles that are challenging and quite meaty.

Nevertheless, going back to our subject, may asset pa rin daw naman ang papa natin.

Hangga’t may erection pa siya, di raw siya magugutom.

Period. Walang comma!

Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Ferminata Bungalya daig pa ang isinumpa!

HAHAHA! Poor Ferminata Bungalya.

Sa totoo, daig pa niya ang isinumpa.

Honestly, she is comparable to a blight. A pestilence.

Lahat yata ng talkshows na kanyang sinalihan ay natitigbak bagama’t pilit siyang itinataas ng kanyang ayudante (ayudante raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!) na very supportive talaga sa kanyang talentong inaamag na at pinandidirihan ng publiko. Hahahahahahahaha!

Yuck! Harharhar!

Yosi-kadiri! Hahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, may bago na namang talkshow si Lola Fermi na ang verdict ng kanyang mga kritiko ay butata na namang tiyak. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Mapapagod lang daw ang TV5 sa kaaayuda sa matronang ito but she is not, in anyway, going to succeed. Hahahahaha!

Magnganga ka na lang daw sa Valenzuela City at magtinda ng ukoy at baka kumita ka pa.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Otherwise, maging dealer ka na lang daw, Lola, ng tikoy dahil bagay na bagay sa hilatsa ng syorak mong pagmumukha!

Harharharharhar!

Need I say more?

‘Yun na! Hahahahahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.  

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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