Entertainment ang hanap ng mga tao, di ang mga nostalgiang bukeke mo!

HOW so very amusing naman si Lola Nganga.

Imagine, she’s hosting a radio show that’s supposedly geared into giving the best of showbiz entertainment but far from doing it, she’s pestering her listeners with bland and boring stories about her past life. Hahahahahahahaha!

And who’s interested to know her estafa cases, along with her travels abroad that are nothing but veritable bore? Hahahahahahahaha!

This doltish matrona is pissing her listeners off by regaling them with repetitive stories about her exploits abroad while trying to elude arrest from the authorities. Hahahahahahahaha!

Sana man lang, sa haba ng oras niya sa radyo, mag-devote naman siya ng 45 minutes kung saan magbabalita sila ng kanyang mga alipores about the latest in show business.

Ang bukeke kasi ng kanyang intro ay mga shocking showbiz balita raw ang idi-dish-out nila pero once you get to listen, puro pala mga self-serving stories about her life and the people she gets to benefit from. Hakhakhak!

Ang cheap!

Over sa pagka-cheap ng gurang na ‘to! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Mantakin mong one hour and a half ang programa tapos puro mga kwentong sila lang ng kanyang mga alipores ang nakaaalam ang kanilang binubukeke? Hahahahahahahaha!

No wonder, her radio show happens to e a dud.

A failure!

A blight or a pestilence that’s being shunned away from by the multitude. Hahahahahahaha!

Sino ba naman kasi ang magkakainteres makinig sa mga kwentong personal na isang dekada na yata ang nakalilipas nang mangyari? Hahahahahahaha!

Ginagaya ng guranggetch na ‘to si Ate Luds noon na pawang mga personal encounters nila ni Nora Aunor ang laman ng kanyang radio show.

But Nora Aunor, that time in particular, was the hottest personality in the business and her innumerable followers would just want to hear nothing but intimate stories about her and nothing else.

E, si Lola Fermi, sino ba ang interesadong malaman ang mga behind the scenes encounters niya?

Absolutely no one!

Nada! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Kaya kung gusto mong magkaroon ng commercial load, magbalita ka ubangga.

Tell them the hottest news that you know of at hindi ganyang puro sarili mo ang ikinukwento mo gayung passe’ ka na at wala nang nagkakainteres malaman ang mga episodes mo while Crispy Per Minute was still getting aired. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Cheap na obese na tanderaketch, gumising ka, Maruya, (Gumising ka raw Maruya, o! Hahahahaha!) people would want to know the latest about the in personality in the business and not your boring existence.

Ibang usapan siyempre kung ang episode mo kay Babes ang ikukwento mo, o ‘yung nangyari sa inyo ni Oliva of the famous UMD of the 90s, o ‘yung episode mo sa isa pang Romnick Sarmenta clone na nakaeksena mo rin. Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yung mga ganong kwento ang gusto nilang marinig, lola. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

***

By insistent public demand, William Levy!

HAHAHAHA! If Ms. Vilma Santos is the Queenstar for all Seasons, William Levy is definitely the hunk for all times.

His innumerable fans in our country seem to have become predominantly fixated with his gorgeous machismo and succulent dong. Hahahahahaha!

I can’t blame them for William’s definitely Mr. Perfect. Hahahahahaha!

He’s tall, awesomely good-looking and gorgeously well-endowed.

As always, bawal magtikol! Hahahahahaha!

***

Iba talaga si Ate Vi!

WHILE I was busy meeting my deadlines, I suddenly received a text message coming from the ever dependable Ate Aida Fandialan, Governor Vilma Santos Recto’s most trusted employee and confidante.

“Gud am,” she intones. “As the country grieves for the loss of a great man, Sec. Jesse M. Robredo, you still found time to defend/support Vi.

“Anyway, Vi’s in grief over JMR’s loss. Kasi, di lang naman once sila nag-meet.

“JMR went to Batangas Capitol twice and when Vi had an appointment with PNoy, it was JMR who welcomed her at the palace.”

Well, everybody seems to be grieving about the great man from Bicol.

What a great loss he veritably was to us Filipinos!

Sayang at wala na ako sa Bicol when he ventured into politics. I would have been given the chance to get to know him better the way Ate Vi did in so short a time.

I was so moved when I saw his old photos with his dad, who had an eye ailment, wayback during our youth in Mabolo, Naga city where Sec. Robredo stayed for quite sometime with his cousin Pablito Chua, who was my mom’s student at Anglo Chinese High School, during his teen-age years.

Like I said, he was a looker during his youth when he was a lot slimmer, hence, giving the impression of being much taller.
Going back to Ate Vi, I share her sentiments.

Nakapanghihinayang nga namang nawala agad ang isang taong responsable at dedicated sa kanyang trabaho at napa- kabait na ama sa kanyang mga anak and an ideal husband to boot.

Rest in peace, ‘noy. You, surely, are going to be sorely missed.

***

Daks na tarugs, lokal vaklungs na lang muli ang makikinabang

DEFENSIVE ang maragul ang notang singer/actor na ‘to na balik na sa kanilang lugar sa Kabisayaan kapag tinatanong sa kanyang gay encounters nu’ng time na naririto pa siya sa Ka-Maynilaan at pinu-pursue ang kanyang showbiz career.

Ang say niya with full vehemence, women are supposedly his cup of tea and he’s never had any gay encounters.

Ang mga ito nga raw ang dahilan kung bakit nagbabu na siya sa show business dahil di niya ma-take ang makipag-churvahan sa kanila.

Really?

Is that sooooo? Hahahahahahahaha!

Di nga ba’t naging paparu naman siya ng isang good-natured na executive na siyang nag-build-up sa kanya pero dineadma na lang niya nu’ng time na medyo umaangat na ang kanyang pangalan? Hahahahahaha!

Frankly, may boses naman talaga siya and when fully rested and in his best elements, he can really deliver.

‘Yun nga lang, he got so preoccupied with this user-friendly woman who took advantage of his generosity when she was the one in charge of his finances.

She was a most giving mate in bed (most giving mate in bed raw, o! Hahahahahaha!) but a shrewd manipulator.

Kumbaga, she was by his side only during the good times when money was coming in regularly but she abandoned him when the goings got rough and he was already a has been and money was perpetually becoming a most pressing problem.

Kaya sa ngayon, dahil wala na ngang andalu at wala na ring regular gig at shows on teevee, umuwi na lang siya sa kanila at doon na lang sing-galore sa kabukiran.

Sa kabukiran daw, o! Hahahahahahaha!

Joke!

Hindi kaya muli siyang magbalik sa pag-inom ng tuba at kapag senglot na ay zing to-death na naman ang mga vaklung sa kanyang que sabroso at maragul na nota? Hahahahahahahahahaha!

How so very amusing!

‘Yun na!

***

Paula Bianca’s passion

SHE graduated with honors in a very good school but Paula Bianca would rather make a career out of singing than pursue a career working in an office.

“Singing po talaga happens to be one of my passions,” she ventures. “Of course I can always work in an office but somehow, gusto ko munang pagbigyan ang hilig ko na ma-penetrate ang musicville o local tin-pan alley.

“Singing po talaga gives me the natural high,” she asseverates. “Nasa lahi po kasi namin ito.”

Oo nga naman.

Her dad Papa Dhan C. happens to be a very good singer and a remarkable mimic as well who can ape any singer he likes remarkably well.

Anyway, maganda naman ang reception sa kanyang debut single under Vicor Music corporation kung saan ang car- rier single ay ang Vehnee saturno piece na Napakasakit Naman.

This coming Saturday, August 25, catch Paula at the Lucky China Town Mall (this is situated in Binondo, Manila just beside 168 mall) from 3 pm down.

But her big concert RockPhilla that’s being sponsored and produced by Haplos foundation will be staged at the Airport Casino in Paranaque City on November 9.

Kita-kits! I’m positive we are going to have some swell time together.

***

Inggit kay Charice dahil prangka at ‘di nabubuhay sa kaplastikang tulad niya

BLIND item kung banatan ng bungalyang manunulat na ‘to na anda-oriented (anda-oriented raw, o! Hahahahahaha!) si Charice Pempengco kaya gagayahin rin natin siya.

Blind item rin ang drama natin para kanyang ikaloka. Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, say ni Bubonic, sa sobrang ilusyon raw ni Charice, deadma raw ito pala-palagi sa kanyang kapaligiran at laging naka-earphone kapag naglalakad at mereseng janitor lang ang kausap ay talagang ini-Ingles. Hahahahahahaha!

Soooo? Ikaw kaya, ano naman ang drama mo?

At least si Charice, she’s been able to accomplish something remarkable for herself and her country as a whole.

Ikaw Bubonica, what have you achieved?

Ang manira ng mga taong di ‘naghahatag’ sa ‘yo para purihin lang the following day kapag gibsona na? Hahahahahahahaha!

You talaga Bubogita, you’re so corrupt and money-oriented.

Kahit naman araw-arawin mo sa bulok mong panulat (yuck! how gross! Hahahahahaha!) si Charice, it’s not going to work.

You hear me, Lola Lukring? It’s not going to work!

Period. Ayoko ng mukhang anda’t idiota! Hahahahahahahaha!

Bago mo pintas-pintasan ang hitsura nu’ng tao, why don’t you take a most perusing look at your reflection in-front of a mirror? Hahahahahahahaha!

Busalsal ang kailungan mo, lola. Hahahahahaha! On top of that, your puson is so big, you need to minimize or lessen its size by wearing tent-like outfits. Hahahahahaha!

At least si Charice, she’s blessed with a good skin. One thing that you’re very much wanting of. Hahahaha!

Kaya nga tiboski na lang ang pinapatulan mo dahil pinandidirihan ka ng mga ombres.

Kuha mo, lola? Hahahahahahaha!

‘Yun lang muna! Hahahahahahaha!

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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