Ferminata umaalog-alog na ang baba sa tindi ng takot na masibak sa TV5!

KUNG dati-rati, this was the time when the syoraktsina Bungalya Ferminata (Hahahahahahaha! How gross!) was taken in to replace Morly, Rey and I at the rating Juicy that was being anchored then by Ms. Alex Gonzaga and IC Mendoza, oozing with bravura ang sooo-laki ang pusong matrona. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Akala siguro niya’y magaling siya at may husay na maipakikita (hayan pusona, ha? salitang ugat ang inuulit, tontita! Hahahahahahaha!) kaya nag-feeling maganda ang gurang na pipito na lang ang buhok. Pipito na lang daw ang buhok, o! Hakhakhak!

Anyway, it has been proven many times over that she is no much to what Morly, Rey and I had loftily accomplished at the show.

Considering that we were paid a measly one thousand five hundred pesos per episode of the show, Fermina Super Tsaka was being compensated with a cool 500 thousand pesos per month.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Carry n’yo ‘yan? Isang matrona mukhang tangkwa (mukhang tangkwa raw talaga, o! Hahahahahahaha! cheeeaaappp!) at laos na ang ipinalit sa wacky triumvirate namin na barya-barya lang ang gibsona?

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Do you think that’s a good business sense?

Meron na ngang mura na, magagaling pa, palitan ba naman ng isang makalumang gurangga na, laylayic pa ang pa nga at ‘di pa makatayo dahil pilit na itinatago ang soooo laking tiyanetch? Hahahahahahaha!

Yosi-kadiri! Hakhakhakhakhak!

How inifinitely gross! Hahahahahahaha!

Honestly, no one in his right frame of mind would have the initiative to watch Ferminata Bungalya in all her faded glory.

Faded glory raw talaga, o! How so very apt a description! Hahahahahahaha!

Ayoko ng gurangga na’y Chuck Perez pa. Hahahahahaha!

Why don’t you just sell nganga at the talipapa of Valenzuela city? I suppose that’s a lot better than hosting a show wherein you’re no longer welcome and is being avoided like the plague by the televiewers. Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun lang, lola. lola ling! Guranggang tsaka’t wala nang ningning.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

***

‘Be Careful With My Heart’ mahal ng viewers pati ng advertisers

KAMAKAILAN ay kinumpirma mismo ng ABS-CBN executives ang nakagugulat na lakas ng hatak, hindi lamang sa TV viewers, kung hindi maging sa advertisers, ng no.1 daytime TV program sa bansa na “Be Careful With My Heart.”

“Richard Yap and Jodi Sta. Maria’s soap are turning out to be the biggest surprise hit,” komento ni Vivian Tin, head ng customer business development group ng ABS-CBN.

Ayon naman sa chief financial officer ng Kapamilya Network na si Rolando Valdueza, dahil sa pataas nang pataas na advertising revenues dahil sa mga top-rating programs tulad ng “Be Careful With My Heart,” posibleng malagpasan ng ABS-CBN ang target nitong net income ngayong taon. “We’re also experiencing double-digit growth in terms of airtime starting August and if we can sustain this by the end of the year, we may exceed P1.3 bil- lion,” aniya.

Samantala, patuloy ang paglaki ng lamang ng Be Careful With My Heart kumpara sa katapat nitong programa sa GMA. Base sa pinakahuling datos ng Kantar Media noong Huwebes (Agosto 16), humataw na sa ikaapat na pwesto ng overall top programs sa bansa ang ‘kilig-serye’ nina Jodi at Richard taglay ang 23% national TV ratings, o 16 puntos na kalamangan kumpara sa Kapuso Movie Festival ng GMA na nakakuha lamang ng 6.9%.

Mula ng magsimulang umere ang soap nina Jodi at Papa Chen noong Hulyo, iba’t ibang programa na ang itinapat dito kabilang ang Chef Boy Logro: Kusina Master, Baker King: The Big Return, at ngayon ang Kapuso Movie Festival.”

Patuloy na mabighani sa ‘magic’ ng love story nila Yaya Maya at Mr. Lim sa nasabing soap, araw-araw, 10:45am, bago mag-It’s Showtime, sa Prime-Tanghali ng ABS-CBN.

***

May mga taong insecure at walang magawa!

HONESTLY, fate ko na yata ang lagi na’y kinai-insecure-ran, hence, iniintriga, gayung wala naman akong ginagawang nakasasama sa kanila.

Lately, the same thing is happening all over again at the network I have come to love for quite sometime now.

Kung dati’y invited kami sa mga presscons ng network na ‘to, lately it has become practically nil.

The invitations, I mean.

Ang nakalulungkot, pati ‘yung taong supportive sa amin ay tipong ‘di na rin namo-monitor ang mga bornok na eksena ng kanyang mga tauhan kaya unti-unti, we are being ignominiously left behind.

How sad!

Why do thing like this have to happen most of the time when all I want to do is to work in earnest for my family’s subsistence?

Sana’y kidlatan na ang mga taong ito na wala nang ginawa kundi hanapan ng mali ang kapwa nilang kanilang kinai-insecure-ran nang wala namang sapat na basis.

Just fuck off, okay? I don’t want to mess up with you guys and I honestly can’t remember one instant where I have done you wrong.

Like I said for the umpteenth time, I just need to work for my family’s subsistence and nothing else.

Period!

Just mind your own business, okay? And put a stop to your senseless and filthy snooping into the activities of other people.

Period!

***

Why I Love Ate Vi

PEOPLE are asking unabatedly. Why am I so infatuated with Queenstar Vilma Santos to the extent of writing in- cessantly about her?

Well, truth to tell, I’m not that close to Ms. Vilma Santos.

Hindi ako sina Jimi Escala na super close talaga sa kanya o si Mr. Jhun Nardo kaya who’s so intimate with her.

I’m just an ordinary writer who loves to write about her because I find her to be a most interesting subject.

Kung napapansin niya ako minsan, maraming salamat.

Otherwise, I just would love to see her from a distance and admire her unfading kind of beauty and good-naturedness from a distance.

I’ve been around for so long in the business but I have yet to find someone like Ate Vi who’s most caring of her fans and the coterie of writers who would write about her from time to time.

No wonder, good karma siya.

‘Yung contemporaries niya ay nawalan na ng mga ningning but she’s still very much around to show to all and sundry that in this business, one’s staying power depends, in great plenty, to her good attitude and positive vibes.

***

Bakit ba iniintriga si Charice, nagpapakatotoo lang naman ‘yung tao?

IN THIS business, parang wala ka nang tamang magagawa.

Kung totoo ka sa ‘yung sarili, mayabang ka at feeling invincible.

Pag cool ka naman at bow na lang sa mga bornok nilang drama, imbierna sila’t plastic ang tawag sa ‘yo.

Honestly, I don’t see anythong wrong if Charice becomes assertive at times when it comes to the things that she believes in.

Dapat lang naman siguro dahil blood, sweat and tears naman ang pinuhunan niya bago niya narating ang kanyang lofty stature in the business.

Kung feel niyang kulayan ng shocking blonde o violet or a virulent shade of red ang kanyang buhok, leave her alone.

Nagpapakatotoo lang naman siya and she just would want to assert her own kind of individuality.

Is that bad?

Umayos-ayos nga kayo, huh? Lalo ka na Ferminata Ogrilyang plastikada. Hahahahahahaha!

Akala mo kung sino kang may ibubuga sa larangan ng fashion pero saan ka, you’re wearing the most deplorable outfits that I’ve ever seen in my whole life.

Sa totoo, you need a good stylist, not Charice, okay?

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Patapyasan mo nga ‘yang laylayic panga mo para makunan ka nang maayos-ayos sa flopzinang showbiz-oriented talk show ninyo sa Cinco, lola. Hahahahahahahaha!

Charice is Charice. A global personality who just want to do what she thinks is right.

Period. Lukring na, lola! Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Lalong nagiging esekola ang arrive ni Bela Padilla!

THERE is no doubt, as time goes by, lalong nagiging esekola ang arrive ni Bela Padilla at napuna rin siguro ito ng GMA bigwigs kaya she’s being given a new soap, Magdalena is the tentative working title of the afternoon soap that would pair her off with newcomer Pancho Magno.

Dapat lang naman dahil matindi talaga ang promise ni Ms. Bela at ayuda na lang ng network ang kailangan para mag-bloom siya nang todo at ma-appreciate ng nakararami. (Ayan, Lola Fermi, huh? for the umpteenth time, salitang ugat ang inuulit! Hahahahahaha!)

Sa totoo, legs pa lang ni Ms. Bela ay ulam na, idagdag mo pa ang kanyang firm boobsies at fiesta na! Fiesta na raw, o! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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