Mas dakota pero ‘di gaanong pinagtitilam-tilaman ng mga vaklung!

WONDERING, galore raw ang gwaping at ma-appeal namang bagets na ‘to kung bakit mas may arrive sa mga vaklushi ang ‘di naman ka-‘lakihang’ (medium to be more specific! Hahahahahahaha!) young actor na ‘to gayung siya itong halos ocho con ligo pero parang di gaanong pantasya ng mga vaklung. hahahahahahahaha!

Why is that so? Hakhakhak!

Minsan nga raw, tiningnan pa ng mas matangkad na young actor ang notes ng kinai-insecure-rang co-actor habang sila’y nasa comfort room para masigurong mas gifted nga siya compared rito. Hahahahahaha!

Ang say naman ni Peter Ledesma na authority sa mga sex appeal ng mga ombres (authority raw sa sex appeal ng mga ombres, o! Hahahahahahahaha!), kaya raw mas humahataw ang machismo ng ‘di kalakihang papa ay dahil ombreng-ombre ang dating nito, whereas the taller one who’s definitely got a bigger dick (Hahahahahahaha!) looks like an anime’.

Ganuned? Hakhakhak!

Honestly, ‘di naman siguro.

Oo nga’t he’s got a wacky and zany side but he’s got a smoldering machismo also.

Sabihin na lang nating mas maswerte siguro ang medium na papa dahil kuhang-kuha niya ang pulso ng masa.

Besides, parang ‘di yata nakatulong ang pagiging masyadong down-to-earth at vocal ng better endowed (better endowed daw, o! Hahahahahaha!) na young ombre dahil in doing so, nawala ang kanyang male mystique at na-cheapen ang kanyang pagkatao unlike roon sa isang papa na medyo reserved at enigmatic ang dating.

Come to think of it, pati mga chicks sa network na kanilang pinagtatrabahuhan ay mas feel ang soft-spoken na bagets compared sa kanyang taller and better endowed na counterpart.

Kaya kayo riyan mga papang bagets, it pays to be a little bit more discreet and reserved or a man of few words so that you would project enigma and a little of mystery.

Di naman kasi nakikita ang size ng ratbulites noi matter how awesome it may be dahil nakatago naman ‘yun at di nakalagay sa ‘yong mukha. Hahahahahaha!

Take it from there! Hahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Iba pa rin talaga si Kuya Boy!

FABULOUS ang interview ni Kuya Boy Abunda sa comebacking actress na si Ms. Hilda Koronel na kasama sa The Mistress ng star Cinema on its 10th year celebration of the John Lloyd Cruz-Bea Alonzo tandem.

Minsan pang pinatunayan ng king of TV talk that he’s unbeatable and unchallenged when you speak of doing in-depth interviews such as this.

Anyway, sa nasabing interview, hindi lang ang exceptional hosting skills ni Kuya Boy ang kanyang naipakita kundi lalo’t higit ang kanyang personalidad na lalong nag-i-improve as time goes by.

Sa totoo, he seems not to age one bit.

Maybe it’s because he’s got a good heart and it shows on his countenance and from the way he talks.

Suffice to say, si Kuya Boy ang pinakamalaking factor kung bakit top-rating at unchallenged ang The Buzz in the many years that it has gone on the air.

Dapat lang!

***

Wala na ang kaguwapuhan at kamachuhan ni papa

NAPUNTA kami the other day sa isang pabolosang bagong mall sa may Binondo na pang-mayaman ang ambience at nagulat  talaga kami nang makita namin roon ang isang veteran male singer na naging pop idol ng kanyang panahon.

Honestly, the crowd were not most enthusiastic because they were palpably disenchanted with his faded looks and aging machismo.

Sa totoo, ang layu-layo na niya sa hunky balladeer na kinamatayan ng mga kolehiyala at vaklushi nu’ng mid 80s at early 90s, specially so when he wore some very revealing trunks in one of the movies he did with a very popular actress.

During that time, he was admittedly the toast of musicville and his long playing albums were selling like the veritable hotcake.

But today, blame it to his endless nightouts and excessive drinking, you would barely recognize him because he has not aged gracefully like Gary Valenciano.

Apart from the fact that his once thick mop of hair is now practically thinning, he now has a bloated potbelly and his legs appear to have shrunk and are now more like chicken legs. Hahahahaha!

Ewan ko lang ang nota kung nag-shrink rin. Hahahahahahaha!

Hindi naman siguro. Hakhakhakhak!

But one thing is for sure, wala na siyang sex appeal tulad ng pagpalya ng boses niya sa pag-reach ng high no-tes.

How so very pathetic!

Huhuhuhuhuhuhu!

***

May balat daw ba si Ate Vi?

NAKATANGGAP tayo ng isang amusing observation mula sa isang avid fan ng Batangas lady governor na si Ms. Vilma Santos.

Astute ang kanyang observation kaya ilalabas natin for you guys to savor and ponder on.

“Tanong ko lang po,” she says oozing raw amusement. “May birthmark po ba si Gov. Vi?

“Kasi po I remember 3 years ago, ‘yung last movie niya na In My Life, September 16 naipalabas ‘yun at sobrang lakas rin nun sa takilya dahil 1st day palang naka-20 million na.

“One week showing palang ng movie, ang laki na ng kinita.

“Kaya lang, after ten days of showing, bumagyo ng superlakas. ‘Yung Ondoy at lumubog nu’n ang halos buong central luzon.

“Ayun, naapektuhan ang dapat sana’y super laki pang kikitain ng pelikula.

“But then naka-137 million pa rin.

“Last July 25 naman, naipalabas ang The Healing,” he further elaborates.

“11 days of showing, di man bumagyo nagka-Habagat naman at binaha ulit nang sing-grabe ng Ondoy ang Pilipinas at malaki rin ang epekto nito sa dapat sana’y mas malaki pang kita ng The Healing.

“Di po ba parang pag may pelikula si Ate Vi saka naman bumabaha nang sobra ang Pilipinas?

“Maybe nagkataon lang, kaya lang napaisip ako. Kasi, after Ondoy kahit binabaha, di naman gaya ng nangyari nitong nakaraang Habagat.

“Parang itinaon lang talaga sa showing ng pelikula ni Ate Vi.”

Well, at least Ate Vi was able to prove to all and sundry her formidable strength at the box-office.

If it’s any consolation, during its 5 weeks of showing, The Healing has been able to amass a whopping 130 million.

Remarkable, ‘di ba naman? Considering na dapat ay nilangaw na ito dahil sa pesteng Habagat na ‘yan! Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun lang!

***

Baklang salot walang credibility!

NAGKAKALAT pala ng mga baseless na paninira ang supot ng gurangis na ‘to na malapit na sa hukay pero baboy pa rin kung dumiskarte.

Palibhasa’y I was never into this internet thing, I wasn’t aware that this ugly beyond belief old goat of a fag has been spreading lies and hideous concoctions at the net about me and my family when he’s the one who once was into the deplorable pimping business. Hahahahahaha!

Ang cheap ng mabahongang chakang naglulupang baklang ito na ni hindi makaupa ng cheap na kwarto kwartito at kailangang makitira kung kani-kanino.

Cheeeaaaaapppp!

Imagine, free board and lodging ang baklang ito sa amin for two decades (off and on that is) pero kung makabanat ngayon sa amin ay para bang kami pa ang may utang na loob sa kapangitan niya. Harharharharhar!

The nerve sa ka-cheapan ang pi-nost raw ng nanggigitatang mabahongang baklang naglulupang ito sa website ng Remate na nakapandidiri naman daw ang hitsura ng old house namin sa Naga dahil maunlad na ang lahat pero ang bahay nami’y nananatili raw dilapidated at halos bibigay na mahanginan lamang.

Hahahahahahahahaha! Tar_nt_d_ng supot na baklang walang credibility at isang ESP writer kaya tinanggal sa Mari posa Publication ni Bubonika ar maging sa Bulgar man, matagal nang nabenta ang bahay namin at pinatayuan na ito ng bagong bahay nu’ng nakabili. Hahahahahahaha!

Palibhasay pantasyadora ka at tumitingala sa kisame kapag nagsusulat kaya kung anu-anong mga baseless na paninira ang pinu-post mo kung saan-saan. Hahahahahahahaha!

Kunsabagay, with the way you horribly look, who would take you seriously, old delusional fag?

Maligo ka, matandang naglulupa. Hahahahahahahaha!

Arabu-smelling ka na, why don’t you just commit suicide so that Taning would have that much anticipated reunion with you?

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Panget!

***

Mikael Daez & Andrea Torres, a new afternoon delectable treat!

MUCH anticipated ang new version ng “Sana Ay Ikaw Na Nga” na binigyang buhay nina Dingdong Dantes at Tanya Garcia more than a decade ago.

Sa presscon palang nito sa isang classy venue along Timog Av. in Kyusi, talaga namang hinangaan ang gentlemanly ways ng Kapuso hunk sa fragile-looking niyang leading-lady.

Sa totoo, they palpably make a most handsome pair.

Hunky and virile ang dating ni Mikael at svelte at babaeng-babae naman ang projection ni Ms. Andrea.

That evening, hindi nasolo ni Mikael ang kilig ng mga bading (kilig raw ng mga bading, o! Hakhakhak!) dahil present rin ang resident hunk ng Seiko more than a decade ago na si Jestoni Alarcon who was seated smugly beside his favorite leading-lady, the comely and perennially svelte Ms. Rita Avila.

Anyway, superb ang chemistry ng bagong soap na ‘to na mapanonood (hayan Bubonika ha? salitang ugat ang inuulit, Hahahahahaha!) starting September 3 sa GMA Afternoon Prime.

This is under the direction of the highly competent and very hunky (very hunky raw talaga, o! Hahahahaha!) Direk Roderick Lindayag of the Tween hearts fame.

Nakatutuwa ring malamang ang orig na writer ng SAINN na si RJ Cuevas ang siya pa ring writer sa bagong version
nito.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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