Sexy actor, inum-um lang ‘di naman binigyan ng career!

HAHAHAHA! So nakatatawa naman ang naging episode ng isang dating hubadero at porno actor na nag-ambisyong maging legit actor.

Inampon siya ng isang notes-oriented na director na nangako ng stardom sa kanya pero ang ending ay kinuplang to death lang siya pero ‘di naman tinupad ang pangakong stardom sa kanya.

At the most na nagampanan niya ay mga third rate roles na halos glorified extra lang naman.

Kaya out of necessity, ang pobreng porno king ay nagtatrabaho na lang daw bilang messenger sa isang PR company na pag-aari rati ng isang mabait at sikat na TV personality.

‘Yun nga lang, ang layu-layo na niya sa katilam-tilam niyang itzu barely some seven years ago.

Nu’n talaga, he was the paradigm of machismo and was really rivetingly good-looking.

But survival has taken its toll on him, he now looks a lot older and his once lustruous hair is now fast thinning.

Sayang ang promise na nakita sa kanya barely some eight or seven years ago.

That time, he was oozing with succulence and freshness and was palpably leading man material.

But the horrible things that you do tend to get mirrored on your face.

And in the case of this not-so-young man, not even his delectable dick that’s impressive both in length and circumference happens to be a big help.

Oo nga’t napakinabangan niya ito for a while sa series of porno movies na kanyang nagawa (there were seven of them if I’m not mistaken), pero hanggang du’n na lang ‘yun.

‘Di na siya leading man material dahil nagka-edad na siya at nalaglag na ang katawang matagal ding napakinabangan niya sa mga hadahang ‘yun na nagsilbing ‘career’ niya for quite sometime.

Oh, well, it’s quite a pity that in this world, it’s not all big dicks that matter.

Kailangan ding alagaan mo ang iyong sarili the way Coco Martin did.

Sayang na machismo. Sa wala rin pala mapupunta.

***

Showbiz Inside Report ‘di na magpapaawat!

THERE is no doubt, Showbiz Inside Report is now the showbiz oriented show to watch every Saturday afternoon.

So far, hindi na talaga makaalagwa ang mga kalaban nito kaya lugmok na sila sa hirap at pighati.

Lugmok sa hirap at pighati raw, o! Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, loaded na naman as always with some fabulously interesting news ang show nina Carmina Villaroel, Tsong Joey Marquez, Ogie Diaz at Janice de Belen.

Kuya Ogie is going to visit Marikina, the typhoon capital of Asia (typhoon capital of Asia raw, o! Hahaha!).

Tsong Joey will have an interview with two rescuers and they are going to tell us the travails of their kind of profession.

Janice de Belen, on her part, will feature a Sagip-Kapamilya relief operations story.

Carmina will have a story on celebrities who are helping in their own way sa pag-rescue ng mga taong nabiktima ng baha.

Totoo ka, loaded pa rin today ang SIR and the hosts will have an in depth discussion about matters concerning these floods which tend to become a menace mostly to our kababayans who are living in some veritably depressed areas.

So, be sure not to miss today’s presentation while you’re enjoying your afternoon tea.

***

Mega blockbuster ang ‘The Healing’ at yang ang totoo!

NAKATATAWA naman ang mga taong ito na pilit pa ring pinagdiriinang di raw kumita ang mega-blockbuster movie ng Batangas lady governor na si Ms. Vilma Santos. Hahahahahahaha!

Mga hangal! Hayan at naka-gross na ng P105 million, di pa raw ito hit.

Hakhakhak!

What’s the matter with you people? Why can’t you accept the fact that at her age, Ms. Vilma Santos is still a top draw at the box-office and a most competent actress as well? Hahahaha!

Ipagpilitan bang flop raw ang The Healing gayung not even the heavy downpour of rains could prevent the pleth-ora of people from seeing the movie? Hahahahahahaha!

Please put a stop to your delusions that Superstar Nora Aunor is still a top draw at the box-office because good actress that she is, she is no longer in the running inasfar as box-office is concerned.

I don’t want to be mean or too uncouth pero matagal na siyang passe’!

Do you hear me? She’s a goner!

A relic of a most glorious past.

Anyhow, if doltish people would want to insist that she’s still on top, so be it!

Libre naman ang pag-i-ilusyon so go straight ahead.

Tingnan lang natin kung ano ang magiging resulta ng Thy Womb sa box-office. Hahahahahahaha!

For the umpteenth time, I’m not saying that Nora’s not a good actress.

She is!

As a matter of fact, one of the finest actresses that Philippine cinema has ever produced.

But she is hard-headed and delusory and seems to be living in a world solely of her own creation.

I honestly pity her!

Nakalulungkot (hayan idiotang Ferminata Bubonika, salitang ugat ang inuulit, lola! Hahahahahahaha!) isiping ang isang aktres na pinagpala ng Diyos at pinagkalooban ng talento is going to end up in most pathetic light.

Magngangawa man kayong parang sirang radyo, it’s not going to change the fact that it’s now Queenstar Vilma Santos’ time and she’s second to none.

Magsisigaw man kayo at i-nega ang The Healing, wala na kayong magagawa, sore losers! Hakhakhak!

Go to the mountains where you belong!

Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Sumpa kay Ferminata, umaariba na naman! (plastikada’t oro can kasi!)

HAHAHAHA! Mukhang history is fast repeating itself in Ferminata Biglang Tsaka’s case. Hahahahahahaha!

Many years ago, sabay ring nawala ang Showbiz Lingo at Crispy Per Minute niya na matagal na panahon ding kanyang pinagluksa.

Pinagluksa raw talaga, o! Hahahahahahaha!

That was the time na dumating sa kanyang buhay ang isang actor-turned politician na binakuran at ginawa talaga niyang bread and butter.

Anyhow, today, sabay ring natigok ang dalawa niyang shows and before long, the inevitable is bound to happen.

Brace yourself Lola Fermi, time will surely come that you’ll be thrown out of TV5 because they would realize that you’re what they call in busines parlance as bad credit risk. Hahahahahaha!

Hindi mo man aminin pero osla ka na.

Passe’!

Kaput!

You’re no longer in, the best way to deal with you is to throw you out unceremoniously.

After all, napayaman ka na rin naman nila sa loob ng tatlong taong nagtrabaho ka nang walang ROI (return of investments) na naibigay sa kanila.

Buti pa nga kami nina Rey Pumaloy at Morly Alinio na pinag-trip-ang tigukin ng mga d_mo_yita pero ‘di maitatangging malaking pera ang iniakyat namin sa kaban ng TV5.

‘Di ba tulad sa ‘yo na wala nang ginawa kundi pagastusin at pag-abonohin ang management.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Bungalyang osla, umalis ka na riyan bago pa sila magdesisyong patalsikin ka. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Mahiya ka sa balat mong makunat na’t pinaglumaan na nang panahon. Hakhakhak!

Huwag mong ipagsiksikan ang sarili mo gayung deep in your heart, alam na alam mong wala ka nang gamit dahil osla ka na’t matagal nang pinandidirihan ng publiko.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

He who laughs last, laughs the loudest! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Good riddance!

***

Mitch Capili no expectations!

PRAKTIKAL at levelheaded ang Protege aspirant na si Mitch Capili.

A native of Tagbilaran City, she knows that most of the talents she’s competing with are equally determined to make it big just like her and talented as well.

“‘Di po talaga ako nag-i-expect dahil ang daming magagaling but believe po ako sa sarili ko at nandiyan naman ang Diyos para i-guide ako,” she asseverates.

Oo nga naman.

Way back in their province, mahilig na raw siyang magsasali sa mga singing contests at swerte namang nananalo.

“Birit po ang style of singing ko,” she modestly states. “Gustung-gusto ko pong kinakanta ang song ni Ms. Regine Velasquez na Hanggang Ngayon.”

Well, sana nga’y matupad naman ang pangarap ng batang ito na merong expressive pair of eyes na maituturing.

Incidentally, bonggacious ang prize at stake sa mga mananalo.

Two winners will be proclaimed at the finals night, one male and one female, winning a management contract with GMA, along with a cool 12 million pesos.

Fabulous, di ba naman?

Protege, incidentally, goes on the air every Sunday after IBilib on GMA’s Sunday Grande Block.

Maliban dito, meron ding daily fifteen-minuteer updates si Jennylyn Mercado after One True Love.

***

Matindi ang chemistry nina Papa Chen at Jodi

AMINADO naman tayong dahil sa ating hectic working scheds, minsan ay ‘di natin natututukan ang phenomenal noontime soap ng ABS-CBN na Be Careful With my Heart featuring the hottest tandem on national television these days, Jodi Sta. Maria and Richard Yap more popularly known as Papa Chen.

But lately, lalong tumitindi ang Jodi-Richard fever at para itong conflagration na kumakalat everywhere I go.

Kahit sa palengke, ito ang pinag-uusapan.

Kahit nga sa mga press conference ay paborito ring topic ito.

Magugulat kang talaga dahil hindi naman mga bagets sina Papa Chen at Ms. Jodi pero parang tinatalbugan pa nila ang mga bagets sa ABS-CBN kung kilig factor ang pag-uusapan.

Iba kasi ang dating ng simpleng ganda ni Ms. Jodi at ang cool machismo ni Papa Chen.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Honestly, you would really wish that they really are that intimate even in person. Hahahahahahaha!

Ito siguro ang edge or advantage nila sa ibang tandem na pilit na pilit ang dating ng chemistry on cam.

With Ms. Jodi and Papa Chen, it comes so very naturally.

As always, napanonood ito at exactly 10:45 am bago mag-It’s Showtime sa ABS-CBN siyempre.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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