Ibang-iba na si Mama Guy!

NA-SHOCK ako sa chika ng bossom buddy kong si Peter Ledesma tungkol sa aktres na si Ms. Nora Aunor.

Imagine, tumawag raw sa kanya, a couple of days ago, ang Bicolana Marvel, when I was not able to report to our radio show at DWIZ (882 khz in your radio dial, 2 to 3pm, Monday thru Friday) because I was bone tired with too much editing and deadlines.

The shocking thing was Ate Guy was purportedly looking for me.

Hahahahahahaha!

Shakira!

Well, finally, maturity, appears to have dawned on the superstar and she’d like to make amends to some people.

Imaine, sinabi raw ni Ate Guy na she’d like to talk to me to apologize for her inability to greet me the last time we saw each other at the presscon of her movie with Gov. ER Ejercito.

Masyadong magulo raw kasi ang atmosphere nu’ng time na ‘yun kaya hindi siya aware na feeling pala namin ay na-ignore na niya kami.

Oh, well, superstar ba naman ang nagsasalita ng mea culpa kaya sino ba naman kami para i-ignore ito?

Anyhow, dahil sa okay na kami ni Mama Guy (albeit we haven’t met yet on a personal level), asking galore naman ang mga loyalists ni Queenstar Vilma Santos kung magbabago na raw ba kami sa kanilang idolo lalo na’t peace na kami ni Ate Guy?

Well, maganda ang pinakita sa amin ni Governor Vi at di namin makalilimutan ‘yon.

In the few times that we’ve met, she was affability personified and was most solicitous and kind.

Kung ganyan naman kabait ang isang tao, would you have the temerity to forget her?

Honestly, mahal na mahal ko si Ate Vi from a distance because to be honest about it, I’m not like Jhun Nardo or Jimi Escala who’s really sanggang dikit with her.

Nasa background lang naman ako pala-palagi and I’m happy that way.

Si Ate Guy naman, siguro nga’y magiging maganda na ang set-up ngayong tipong nag-mature na siya.

‘Yun lang!

***
Patsy Cline ang beauty!

HAHAHA! Tawanan to-the-max talaga ang ilang press people sa tsikang nu’ng time na hindi pa uso ang mga glutathione at kung anik-anik pang kaeklatan sa katawan ng mga babae at hindi pa nagagawa ang ngayo’y eskalerang boobsinas ng isang flawless at gandara sanang aktres pero may ugaling impakta’t nakaririmarim, (Hahahaha! how gross! para palang ang supotelyang si Vavalina na bukod sa mabahonga at yosi-kadiri ang fezlak ay Joaquin Burdado pa ang kabalatan ever!

Yuck! Hahahahahahahahaha!) Patsy Cline raw ang drama nito.

Patsy Cline, in the sense na patse-patse raw ang kabalatan nito at maaninag mo roon ang mapa ng Singapore chuvanes! Hakhakhak!).

On top of that, flat chested rin diumano ang isnabera na ngayon sa kanyang ateng very supportive sa kanya during her lean years at nagparetoke sa kanyang pekeng ganda.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Kaya kung nai-elya kayo sa naghahamon niyang Bundok ng Susong Dalaga (Bundok ng Susong Dalaga raw, o! Harharhar!), pekenese lang po ‘yan dahil dati’y kakarampot lang ‘yun ever. Hakhakhakhakhak!

The truth is when she could not avail of her weekly gluta injections, this cavalier young actress is purportedly tremendously insecure.

Afraid siguro siyang muling magbalik ang kanyang Patsy Cline skin tone. Harharharhar!

Kaaliw!

Kunsabagay, nu’ng nasa kabilang estasyon pa ang aktresang ito, masyadong plain ang kanyang itzu at may kaitiman (may kaitiman raw, o! Hahahahahahaha!) talaga.

Di kaya ang budhi niya ang likas na maitim dahil pati inang nagpala sa kanya ay tinuklaw at sinampal kuno? Hahahaha!

Ang nakatatawa, ginagawang batang-batang sugar mommy ang aktresang dati-rati’y Patsy Cline ang beauty ng papaniyang regular, if you know what I’m hinting at. Hakhakhak!

Going back to Vavalina Mabahonga Y Pakasta, (Hakhakhakhakhak!) hindi na raw ito mapagkatulog lately dahil bukod sa nagnanaknak na mga sugat all over his scrawny body (yuck! Hakhakhak!), namamatay ito sa inggit dahil siya’y osla na whereas I’m still very much around and fairly respected for my ability to write sensibly.

Di ba tulad ng hayuperang Vavalinang ito (hayuperang Vavalina raw, o! Harhahakhak!) na proponent ng ESP wri-ting dahil mahilig tumingala sa kisame at ini-interview ang mga butiki at ipis roon. Hakhakhak!

‘Yun lang! Hakhakhak!

***

Alupihang dagat galore!

DI KO talaga makalimut-limutan ang mga itzu ng braso ng dalawang kontrobersyal na personalidad na pina-lipo nila sa isang kontrobersyal na skin care expert.

The first one, I was able to interview during my Juicy days (the rating one and not the dead as a doornail show that was anchored by Lola Fermi, da tulaerang Tagalista..Hahahahahahaha!).

Looking at her disfigured body and horrible-looking arms, I was all the more convinced that nothing could replace a good diet and exercise and moderation in everything you do and eat.

Mantakin mong bakat na bakat ang ginawang pag-lipo sa kanyang katawan at mga braso?

Nakahahambal tingnan ang porma ng braso na parang singlaki na lang ng lower arms (is that how it’s being callled? I’m not sure though).

‘Yun iba namang nakikita ko, parang may mga alupihang dagat sa ilalim ng braso dahil obvious na nilaplap ang fleshy part nito saka tinahi (soturing ba ang tawag roon? whatever! Hakhakhak!).

Sa totoo, nakahahambal talaga. (Hayan Ferminata, ha? salitang ugat ang inuulit, idota! Hahahaha!)

‘Yung iba naman, pa-lipo galore. Ang ending, para na silang alupihang dagat dahil bakul-bakol na ang kanilang katawan dahil kahit na ano pa ang gawin ng mga expert na doktor na ‘yan, nothing matches one’s diligence in taking care of his/her body when one is starting to approach middle age.

Dapat, nasa 20s ka palang ay aware ka na sa mga pinagkakain mo dahil in the end, it’s you who’s going to suffer dearly.

For this lipo thing has a rebound effect on your body.

Oo nga’t papayat ka kuno after your treatment but wait, honey! The very moment you start devouring food the way you used to, (Hahahahahaha!) the fats would take a hideous vendetta and would make you more gross-looking than ever before. Hakhakhak!

May isa nga akong kakilalang gwaping na nag-a-arti-atista rin during the 90s na sa kagustuhang magkaroon ng instantly flat abdominal area ay pumayag magpalipo gayung di naman siya mataba at hunky pa nga ang hitsura at katilam-tilam lalo na’t naka-maong shorts lang at sando.

Ang ending, the fats had a vendetta and made him lomodic in barely a year’s time.
Hahahahahahahahaha!

Biglang nagbabu na tuloy sa kanyang mga pangarap ang dati-rati’y machong dakota (machong dakota raw, o! Hakhakhak!).

Ayaw naman kasi niyang maging Ike Lozada da second kaya gomora na lang sa Bicol at doon na namirmihan. Hahaha!

Kaya kayo riyan, beware sa mga lipo chuvanes na ‘yan.

May rebound effect ito kapag di ka nag-diet o nag-exercise kaya. Harharharharhar!

***

Papa Dhan is the best!

MARAMING stage dad na rin kaming na-meet pero kakaiba ang erpats ni Paula Bianca na si Papa Dhan C.

He’s a man with a dignified position in one of the big companies in the country and yet he’s such a nice guy to be with.

Warm. Humble. Affectionate. Caring!

Considering the fact that he’s a veritable macho, he understands fully what gays are really like.

Magaling siyang sumakay and he’s not one to frown upon the limp-wristed guys that abound in the business.

Minsan nga, he pretends to be one of them kuno just to make them feel at home.
Hahahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, with him around, I don’t have a modicum of doubt that Paula would reach her goals and aspirations in life.

Napakabait niyang tao at alam naman niya ang kalakaran sa show business dahil may utol naman siyang nasa industriya.

Anyhow, Peter, Papa Abs and I are so happy to have met a most pleasant guy like him through Mama Alfie Lorenzo.

***

Magkatrip-an kaya?

SO amusing naman ang kwento ng mga dalahirang press people tungkol sa isang big event na nangyari kamakailan lang.

In full regalia ay nag-trunks ang dalawa at napuna raw ng mga onlookers na madalas magkasulyapan ang mga ito nang palihim. Harharhar!

Ang nakatatawa, magkalaban ang network na pinagtatrabahuhahn nila pero mukhang magiging Mr. Amity ang dalawa sa isa’t isa.

Basing from the way they look, mukhang magkakaroon nga ng episode ang dalawa lalo na’t lumipat na sa network na pinagtatrabahuhah ng chinky-eyed sexy actor ang older brod nitong wholesome-imaged young actor na kinagugulatan talaga ang pagkakaroon ng building at a time when money’s definitely hard to come by. Hakhakhak!

Now, who’se bigger and who’s better in bed? Hahahahahahaha!

Your guess is as good as mine. Hakhakhak!

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com
and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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