Shocking!… Batam-batang aktres sanay na raw sa mga DOM?

I’M NOT going to say that this shocking bit of news that we’ve gathered from some highly reliable sources happens to be credible. But our source is most emphatic that this one’s really factual and true.

For someone so innocent-looking, loaded with so many experiences na raw pala ang very charming young actress na ‘to who looks prim and proper and very responsible to boot.

Imagine, bukod sa purported involvement niya sa isang personalidad na oozing with richness and opulence, nagkaroon na rin daw ito ng karelasyong moneyed tanderaketch in the not-so-distant past.

Shocking!

Ang nakababaliw pa, papa rin daw nito ang corpulent-looking deejay na nagho-host sa kanyang mga mall shows lately na ang pralaling ng kampo niya’y stalker raw niya.

Ganuned?

Whatever, nang madiskubre raw ng aging benefactor niyang rica-rica ang kanilang relasyon ay biglang nagbabu na raw ito sa kanya.

In a manner of speaking, kaya raw pala hindi hard-up sa pananalapi ang young actress dahil magaling itong dumiskarte, if you know the salient point I’m hinting at. Hahahahahahahaha!

Dios mio perdon! trulilash ba itetch?

Kunsabagay, Bubonika, with the hard times, kapit sa patalim na talaga ang nakararami sa ating mga showbiz personalities.

Parang ‘yung mga ombreng nahahada mo noon, ‘di ba naman? Hakhakhak!

Alang-alang sa second hand na caru, napapayag mo talaga ang gwaping at balbonic na young actor/dancer na ito na churvahin ka mereseng syoraktsina kang talaga at burdado.

Burdado raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!

Kahit nga ‘yung tsinitong Romnnick Sarmenta look-alike ay churvamos mo rin alang-alang sa career advancement but sad to say, nothing came out of his gigantic efforts, ‘di ba naman?

Hahahahahahaha!

Naku, Bubonic, da tsakang gurangis, huwag ka ng magmalinis dahil basang-basa na ang paper mo.

Pwede bra-pantyline-make-it-brief? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Mas feel naman namin ang young actress na ‘to sa aming blind item, that is if the horrible things that are being written about her of late happens to be true, dahil pamilya ang kanyang nasa sa isip kung bakit nagawa niya ang mga shocking things na ina-attribute sa kanya lately.

Pero ikaw, lola Lukresya, libido ang namamayani sa ‘yo at ang insatiable sexual urge mo bilang matrona. Hakhakhak!

Ang cheap!

Over sa pagka-cheeeaaaapppp!

Ipokritang nagmamalinis na chakitang matrona! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Filip Gustavsson’s fabled machismo!

THIS guy who’s every inch a picture of male perfection used to live in Finspang, Sweden but he’s now in Los Angeles, California pursuing a most promising fashion and ramp modelling career.

Filip Gustavsson has the looks of the legendary Brigitte Bardot when she was in her prime.

Hahahahaha!

Suffice to say, he’s a dead ringer of the famed actress who’s now maintaining a reclusive existence but don’t raise a condescending brow for he’s a real macho. Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Eskalera pala ang beauty ng madir ni Heart Evangelista

PRESSCON ng third book ng fantaseryeng Luna Blanca sa featuring Heart Evangelista and Bianca King at aliw na aliw kaming pinanonood ang drama ni Carmi Martin habang tinitingnan sa salamin ang kanyang botox augmented face (botox augmented face raw talaga, o! Hahahahahaha!) na in fairness ay bumagay naman sa kanya in person pero hindi nga lang cinematic ang arrive on cam dahil ‘di kagandahan ang registration niya sa suspense/horror offering ng Star Cinema na The Healing that was starred in by the Queenstar for all Seasons na si Ms. Vilma Santos, nang may tumabi sa aming isang sosyal at gandarang babae who’s definitely not a spring chicken but agelessly beautiful.

One look at her and you would know that she was born rich with her patrician features, expensive jewelry and classy bearings.

For wanting of better things to do, we tried making some innocuous conversation with her.

We asked her what her main preoccupation was and was told that she was a restaurateur. That they own a restaurant within the metropolis that is a tradition within the family.

Asked what her name was, she said it was Cecille Ongpauco, Heart Evangelista’s mom.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

How shocking!

So, the controversial Ms. Cecille Ongpauco was seated beside us and we never did come to suspect that she was the supposedly haughty mom of the equally controversial Heart Evangelista, the Luna at the well-followed fantasy soap of GMA 7. Hahahahahahahaha!

One perusing look at her very classy features and you would know the reason why the otherwise feisty Marianita Rivera wasn’t able to use her cavalier ways against Heart and her mom.

For Madam Cecille has that don’t-mess-up-with-me-or-you’re-bound-to-regret-it look.

Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, kaya naman pala lumabas na maganda at kaaya-aya ang hitsura ni Heart ay dahil nagmana siya sa kanyang gandara at sosyalerang ina.

September 10 na nga pala ang simula episode nina Heart at Bianca King at makakasama na nila rito sina Mark Herras bilang Joaquin, Christopher de Leon as Luis (the one previously essayed by Raymart Santiago), Carlos Morales as Devolas, Carmi Martin as Divine and Ms. Lani Mercado as Rowena.

Under the competent direction of Dominic Zapata, mapanonood n’yo ito weeknights right after Aso ni San Roque.

***

Pang-award na lang si Nora

PITY naman for Superstar Nora Aunor.

At the rate things are dramatically unfolding for the superstar of the 70s and the 80s, it looks like her prodigious acting career has come to an abysmal end right after the end of the 80s. From then, it’s Queenstar Vilma Santos’s era all the way.

Why is that so?

Simple lang, walang ere si Ate Vi at kahit ang isang veteran writer/reviewer na nakausap namin lately ay impressed talaga with the way Queenstar Vi has handled herself without the erratic air of her superstar arch-rival.

‘Yan talaga ang malaking pagkakaiba nina Ate Vi at Mama Guy.

Si Nora, talaga namang kinain na ng sistema at feel na feel ang kanyang superstardom from the roots of her hair to her toes. Hahahahahaha!

Nasanay kasi siya nung dekada 70 at 80 na talaga namang ginawa siyang parang Diyosa ng kanyang mga tagasubaybay.

As a matter of fact, in the few occasions that we had the chance to talk to her, ang laging dialog niya ay pati raw buhay ng kanyang mga panatikong tagahanga ay ibibigay sa kanya.

Hahahahahaha!

Really?

How gross!

Superstardom, in a manner of speaking, has ruined La Aunor’s equanimity and levelheadedness.

Dahil sinuob siya ng mga papuri ng kanyang mga tagahanga, feeling tuloy niya’y isa siyang diyosa na invincible na maituturing. Hahahahahahaha!

May Diyosa bang soo laki ang puson? Hakhakhak!

Mag-diet ka o mag-exercise kaya, mama, para mabawasan ang prominent size ng iyong tummy.

Ayaw ni Lola Ferminata nang ganyan! Hakhakhak!

Look at her lately, nagpa-lipo na talaga ng tiyanetch dahil di na siya makatiis sa mga patutsada’t lait. Hahahahahahaha!

Basta ako, mid and late 80s palang ay ramdam ko na ang grasyosang PR ni Ate Vi, along with her intrinsic good-naturedness.

Ang nagustuhan ko talaga kay Nora (noon at ngayon) ay ang kanyang sterling performance as an actress but as a human being, I’ve always favored Ate Vi’s becoming humanity. Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun lang!

***

Vavalinang Supotelya, bangag na sa kawalan ng tulog!

HAHAHA! This hideously ugly and smelly old fag appears not to have any peace of mind at all lately.

Imagine, the whole day and sometimes up to the wee hours in the morning, this emaciated and mentally deranged and delusional fag keeps on sending tart messages at our cellphones unabatedly. Hahahahahahaha!

As if naman I don’t sleep and I’m able to read those diabolical concoctions that he’s assiduously sending.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

How pathetic!

Typical of this fag, ginagamit pa si Ferminata at ang utang na loob ko raw sa bungalyang matanda para kunsensyahin kami. Hahahahaha!

Pwede ba matandang gahamang bakla na pinandidirihan ng mga lalaki dahil supot at mabahonga (halitosis, any one? Hahahahahahaha!), i-check mo ang mga facts mo at mali-mali.

Tulad na lang ng pinagsasasabi mong nilulumot na ang bahay namin sa Bikol gayung buhay pa ang nanay ko ay nabenta na ‘yun? Harharhar!

Pakidampot nga ng kredibilidad sa sahig, tanda! Hahahahahahahaha!

Halatang ang syongitelya at ulyaning matandang mukhang kabalang na ‘to ang nagti-text sa amin dahil mali-mali ang facts, hence give-away kaagad ang kanyang idiotic at duldolic (yuck! soo baho! kadirs! Hakhakhak!) persona.

Magsulat ka kasi baklang matagal nang inurungan ng regla (inurungan daw ng regla, o! Hahahahaha!) para magkaanda ka at hindi ganyang kung kani-kanino ka namamalimos para makabili lang ng load. Hakhakhak!

Ayaw ni Ms. Claire nang ganyan, halimaw na ingratang huklubang magtanda. Hahahahaha!

Linisin mo na nga ang mga sapalic manifestations sa keps mo para ‘di umaalingasaw ang kepying mo, tanda. Hahahahahahaha!

Nga pala, put a stop to your cheap gimmick of using different sim cards in texting me because I know it’s you and no one else!

Sixty nine ka na, gurang na nagnanaknak ang keps (nagnanaknak raw ang keps, o! Hakhakhak! Kadiri!). It’s high time that you let go of your delusions and pray.

***

Showbiz Inside Report, tindi ng arrive!

IT’S A fact that cannot be denied that the showbiz oriented program to watch on a Saturday afternoon right after It’s Showtime is Showbiz Inside Report that features the appealing quartet of Ms. Carmina Villaroel, Tsong Joey Marquez, the voluble Ogie Diaz and Ms. Janice de Belen.

Kapag nagkasama-sama na in one frame ang apat na ‘to, umaatikabong balitaktakan na ang nangyayari na amusing talagang panoorin.

No wonder, on a Saturday afternoon, unbeatable talaga ang arrive ng apat na ito as they tackle the hottest of showbiz intrigues and issues with the fabled objectivity that the show has always been famous for.

Kaya hindi naman kataka-takang walang nakatatalbog rito no matter how other showbiz oriented shows have abysmally tried to upstage it.

Ang umangal magiging kamukha ni Bubonika. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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