Starlet na pokpok ang arrive, di kayang talbugan ang innate sweetness si Sam Pinto!

DISAPPOINTED raw ang isang starlet na may ganda naman sana at sex appeal pero di kagandahan ang imazh (image) kaya di natupad ang ilusyong talbugan ang beauty ni Sam Pinto in this year’s FHM’s Sexiest mereseng nagpa-churva na siya ng kanyang bumpers at nagpatsuktsak tienes ng kailungan. Hahahahahahaha!

Bagama’t nagpa-plastic siya kapag nagkakasama sila ng eskalera ang gandang alaga ni Ms. Claire dela Fuente, deep inside she’s purportedly seething with indignation and envy for her stature in the biz did not improve in spite of her gigantic efforts to upstage the innately beautiful Sam. Hahahahahahaha!

Well, beauty is something that you also need to have inside apart from your physical attributes. Hahahahahaha!

Maganda nga sana kung sa maganda ang envious starlet na ‘to. Ang kaso, di kagandahan ang kanyang image kaya di siya gaanong feel ng mga ombres na virginal siyempre ang feel sa mga chicks na iidolohin at di ba certified na man eater tulad ng arrive ng sex kitten right after her nosejob and breast augmentations. Hahahahahaha!

Kung dati-rati’y demure pa ang projection niya nu’ng time na everything about her was intrinsically natural, this time her looks have become vampy and fiery.

In stark contrast, Sam might be donning some provocative get-ups in some of her pictorials and teevee appearances but her intrinsic wholesome beauty has never been tainted with malice or obscenity. Hahahahahaha!

Kita n’yo naman ang all-out support sa kanya ng male following niya sa FHM, talaga namang 100.20%. Hahahaha!

For some two years now, siya talaga ang nanatiling prettiest at sexiest of them all.
Iba naman kasi ang sariwa at di laspag! Laspag daw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!

Ayokooooh! Harharharharhar!

Imagine, may candid shots ang starlet na ‘to sa internet kung saan she was photographed kissing different men.

Ang impression tuloy ng mga beki ay pachurva talaga siya at di na kasikipan ang kanyang flower.

Di na raw kasikipan ang flower, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

But then, with the advancement in science and technology, ‘landscaping’ can solve this problem. Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na! Hahahahaha!

***

Ferminata nahirapan raw ba sa lipo?

POOR Lola Fermi. Di pa rin diumano makapag-deadline mereseng open naman pala-palagi ang kanyang pa- hinasyon sa mga tabloids na kanyang pinagsusulatan.

The reason? Hirap raw magkikilos lately ang lola dahil sa kanyang liposuction chuvanes. Hahahahahahaha!

True ba naman itetch?

Ka-amuse ever! But knowing Ferminata to be a real pro in meeting her deadlines, it’s really a mind-boggling oc -currence for her to abandon her columns this long. Hakhakhak!

Well, she’s not getting any younger and having undergone a rigorous and quite invasive procedure like that is something that is hard to get over with specially when you’re already over 50 and has never undergone a proce- dure similar to that. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Indeed, the things that one has to endure for the love of vanity. Hakhakhak!

Sana lang, pinasabay na niya ang kanyang dapaers na ilongski para isahang sakit at recovery na lang ever. Harharhar!

Also, nag-take na rin sana siya ng gluta pills para magkaroon ng lightness ang kanyang skin at maging clearer ang consistency nito nang hindi na lang siya perpetually outfitted in pants and blouse chuvanes. Hakhakhak!

Que pobrecita! Hahahahahahahaha!

Sana rin, nagpawa na siya ng bagong set of dentures (Hakhakhak!) para isahan na lang ang sakit at period of recovery.

Isahan na lang daw ang sakit, o! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Star si Paula Bianca!

SPEECHLESS talaga si Paula Bianca dahil sa unexpected winning niya sa kategoryang new female recording artist of the year sa Star Awards for music last Sunday evening na ginanap sa Meralco theater.

Imagine, for a novice in the business like her to beat gigantic opponents like Anne Curtis and Zia Quizon is an accomplishment that she really ought to be proud of.

On top of that, it’s also an achievent to be winning side by side with Solenn Heussaf who is a personality in her own right and multi-talented as well.

Indeed, beautiful things are shaping up for Papa Dhan C.’s comely daughter since she’ll be having her first solo concert at the Airport Casino on November 9.

Fittingly billed Rockphilia, this is sponsored by Haplos foundation for the benefit of their young hemophiliac patients.

***

Halos ipagwagwagan na ang nota, wah effect pa rin!

NATATAWA ang isang mahusay na komedyana kapag naaalala ang ‘pagwawalang’ ginawa ng isang young actor na magmula nang mabulgar ang di impressive size ng kanyang nota ay parang di na pinantasya ng mga vaklung at matrona.
Hahahahahahahahaha!

Kung dati’y wholesome-imaged ang young actor at never na nagpa-pictorial in his trunks or briefs, these days he seems to have lost his propriety and has become more whimsically daring and baring. Hahahahahaha!

Apart from that, he has also dieted assiduously so that he could bare without having an iota of excess poundage and could flaunt his flawless body for all the fags and libidinous women to ogle at or fantasize about many times over. Hahahahahahahaha!

Ang kaso, his goal has never been achieved for fags and women alike seems not to want to touch him ever. Hahahahahahahaha!

How so pitiful naman.

Truth to tell, in a rare moment of being piqued, he showed off his machismo in all its erected glory in a beach but far from getting aroused, the fags were palpably not in the least bit impressed with what they saw.

Not in the least bit impressed with what they saw raw, o! Hakhakhak!

How disechanting!

Ang siyete, di raw talaga kalakihan ang nota ni kuya.

If it’s any consolation, tunay namang katilam-tilam ang gandang lalake nito at work of art pa rin naman ang katawan na matagal rin niyang pinaghirapang iporma nang husto.

‘Yun nga lang, he needs to add a little more weight dahil medyo slightly anorexic na ang dating ng kanyang latest pictorial.

At any rate, ma’no ba kung di kalakihan ang manoy niya?

What’s important is his character along with his self-respect na medyo nabawasan yata lately. Hahahahahahaha!

Pasaksakan mo ng collagen kay Vicki Belo, papa. It’s not everything, if I may borrow Queenstar Vilma Santos’ line in one of her commercials before, but it’s a good beginning.

Di ba naman Hayden Kho? Hakhakhak!

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com
and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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