Walang usok kung walang apoy!

AMUSING naman ang denials ng kampo ng aktor na nai-involve raw sa ngayon sa isang nameless personality kung iku-compare sa asawa niyang tabain pero may name.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Is that something new?

Nangyayari naman talaga ‘yan sa mag-asawa pero hindi ibig sabihing hindi na labs ni mister si misis kahit na hindi naman talaga ito kagandahan sa personal at nadaraan lang sa emyas, (nadaraan lang daw sa emyas, o! Hahahahaha!) tamang pananamit at accessories, ang mala-tangkwang fezlak.

Mala-tangkwa raw ang bilugang mukha, o!

Ang problema kasi ng ilung aktresa na ‘to ay kulang na kulang siya sa endowments.

Kulang na kulang daw sa endowments, o! Hahahahahaha!

Ang standing joke nga nang nakararami, puro nipples lang daw kasi ang natata-touch ni mister kaya nang ma-sightsina (ma-sightsina raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!) ang busug na busog at malulusog na boobsina ni nameless girlaletch ay biglang nagkaroon ito ng huge erection.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Kay misis raw kasi ay medya-medya na lang dahil matagal na rin naman silang kasal at hindi naman bombshell ito sa loob ng bahay with her still fleshy body and equally fleshy countenance. Hahahahahaha!

Nevertheless, parang ‘yung feeling daks na hunk lang daw ‘yan na hindi na rin kabataan.

Dati’y playing the field ito at kung sinex-sinex ang chinu-churva habang wait galore lang sa kanilang condo ang martir niyang dyowa.

Ang kaso, tinopak si ate at biglang nag-about face at pinalitan si papa nang makatagpo ng mhin na mas well-endowed at mas bonggacious chumurva.

Loko! ‘Di hurting galore ka dahil in a wink of an eye, nagbabetch ang mahahabang taon ng pinagsamahan at tsalap-tsalap si ate sa bago niyang ‘laruan’! Hakhakhak!

That’s what you call as plain and simple karma. Hahahahaha!

Going back to the Tangkwa actress, I guess a good nosejob is in order, along with a breast augmentation to be able to hold on to his husband’s wandering attention. Hahahahahaha!

You’ve been married for quite sometime already, dapat lang na magkaroon naman ng panibagong excitement si mister. ‘Di ba naman?

Hahahahahahahaha!

Ikaw rin, baka malibang na siya nang husto sa boobsies ni nameless dancer chuvanes. Hakhakhak!

***

Introducing Brock Yurich

EVER since he was a boy in Ohio, 21 year old Brock Yurich has worked on his body, his health, entering body-building contests and fitness competitions. For Brock it is not really a choice, but more something instinctual. He has taken his passion for fitness and parlayed it, like many into a career as a fitness model, personal trainer and nutritionist, specializing in men’s athletics and Bodybuilding competitions.

Equally instinctual to Brock, and far more interesting and sexy to me is his love of Theatre, specifically musical theatre. Brock moved to Orlando FL and is a Theatre Major at UCF. He has been in numerous school productions as well as roles in local theatre productions.

Seryoso ba? Kaya nga bawal magtikol! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Kuya Boy beats them all!

MARAMI ring magagaling na teevee hosts pero so far, Kuya Boy Abunda is the one lording it out when it comes to teevee hosting.

Through the years, nag-loosen up na si Kuya Boy at hidi na stiff at conscious unlike during his early years in the business.

Sa The Buzz na lang na napanonood every Sunday sa ABS-CBN, obvious ang pagiging relaxed at at home niya on cam kaya pati mga co-hosts niyang sina Charlene Gonzales at Toni Gonzales ay cool na cool at oozing confidence na rin ang drama.

Sa totoo, gusto kong medyo serious si Kuya Boy, lalo na’t in depth ang tema ng interview but I get to enjoy him more when he loosens up and becomes amusingly funny and wacky.

Suffice to say, kaya naman walang nakatatalbog sa The Buzz ay dahil sa kumpletos rekados na ito so to speak.

‘Andayan ang mga hot issues na siyang tinututukan nang nakararami pero on the side, tina-tackle rin ang mga relevant issues na siyang trip naman ng mga AB crowd na matatawag.

Siyempre naman, bonus na lang ‘yung wacky exchange of commentaries nila nina Toni at Charlene at ang mga tawanang nakawawala ng problema.

***

At ease na si Ate Vi!

IN THE few times that I was able to witness Queenstar Vilma Santos off-cam, I was able to notice that she is now more natural, spontaneous, and at home with the working press.

‘Yung stiffness ng kanyang kabataan ay nawala na at ang pumalit ay ang confidence niya sa kanyang sarili at ang pagiging mas natural.

Noong mag-guest nga sila ng bagets niyang si Christian Recto sa Dead or No Deal ni Luis Manzano, nagkaroon ng intimate interviews ang aktres after her guesting.

Maganda ang palitan ng kwentuhan pero nagulat ako nang makita ko si Ate Vi na napaka-natural na kinuha ang isang tissue paper at pinahid ang make-up sa kanyang mukha, pati na rin ang kanyang lipstick.

In a way, that was the very first time that we’ve seen Governor Vi very much in the raw.

Unlike before when she was most particular with her make-up and how she’d look her glamorous best in front of the working press, now she’s after her comfort.

What I was given the chance to take a glimpse on was not the glamor queen or the highly revered Batangas governor but the real person behind the glamorous persona.

Maganda naman talaga si Ate Vi with or without make-up.

Malaking factor ang smoothness ng kanyang skin at ang sanity consistency nito para maganda pa rin siyang tingnan kahit wala na ang mga burloloy rito. Hahahahahahaha!

Super busy nga pala si Ate Vi at ang kanyang grupo sa forthcoming Marian Regatta Fluvial procession around Lake Taal that will be staged on September 8.

***

Nakatatawa ang itzu ng libogeric na comedian!

HABANG papalabas kami sa Cinema 6 ng SM Megamall, nasalubong namin ang not-so-pleasant to look at gay comedian na paboritong isulat ni Danny Batuigas sa kanyang column at ‘di namin mapigilan ang matawang talaga.

Sanay na kaming napanonood siya on teevee doing some very wacky things that never fail to elicit non-stop guffawing from us pero iba pala ang arrive kapag sa personal mo na siya nakikita. Hahahahahahahaha!

Paumanhin po, a? Pero nakatatawa naman palang talaga in person ang itzu ng ating komedyana (komedyana raw talaga, o! Hahahahahahaha!) lalo na’t up close and personal. Hahahahahahaha!

Bigla talagang nag-flashback sa amin ang tsikang mahilig raw ang hindi kagandahang comedian sa mga batang 12 or 14 years old at talagang pinapapak raw niya ang mga itong parang barkilyos.

Pinapapak na parang barkilyos raw talaga, o! Hahahahahaha!

Naku naman, ateng, huwag naman ganong kababata.

At least 18 above would be fine but not young kids ranging from 12 to 14 years of age.

‘Di ba’t corruption of minors ‘yan? Hahahahahahahaha!

Kunsabagay, kanya-kanyang trip ‘yan pero ‘di ka ba nakukonsensyang halos mga pamangkin mo na ang chinu-churva mo, ateng?

Ingat ka, baka makasuhan ka niyan.

‘Yun lang!

***

Vice Gov. Daniel tahimik lang sa kaso ni Philip

MARAMI ang nagtatanong sa reigning vice governor ng Bulacan na si Daniel Fernando tungkol sa kanyang masasabi sa pagkaka-disqualify kay Philip Salvador bilang posibleng rival niya sa forthcoming elections but his lips have remained sealed.

Pangiti-ngiti lang si VG Daneil dahil confident naman daw siya sa kanyang posisyon bilang reigning vice-governor ng Bulacan.

Kahit na binibira siya ni Bubonica sa press-release oriented columns nito, cool pa rin ang kanyang drama and would only smile good-naturedly.

Siyempre naman daw, tao lang siya na naaapektohan at times sa panulat ni Bubonika alias Nganga Queen (Nganga Queen raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!) pero ‘di na lang daw niya ito pinapatulan dahil alam naman niyang malinis ang

kanyang kunsensya and Someone Up There knows the truth.

Oo nga naman.

Kaya ikaw, Bubogski, (Bubogski raw, o! Hahahahaha!) magpa-noselift ka na lang para gumanda-ganda naman ang projection mo on cam at di ba ganyang naka-make-up ka na’t lahat ay wala ka pa ring ganda. Hahahahahahaha!

Ang chaka ay chaka, period, ayoko ng Ngangaera. Hahahahahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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