Hollywood enchantress, gurang na agad!

DAHIL medyo nahihilig sa panonood ng YouTube si Nong lately kaya kung sinu-sinong personalities ang nakikita namin, inadvertently, habang surf galore siya sa internet.

Sa totoo, gulat na gulat kami sa hitsura sa ngayon ng isang Hollywood enchantress na dati-rati’y puhunan ang kanyang freshness at girlishness para bumenta ang kanyang CDs mereseng boses keps naman siya ever.

Dahil sa kung anu-ano ang pinaggagagawa in her disappointment with the lackluster outcome of her once prodigious singing career, it has taken its toll on her once oozing with freshness countenance.

Kung dati’y pantasya siya ng mga kalalakihan dahil sa kanyang Marilyn Monroe sensuality, this time para na siyang panat na pipino at nagdya-judge na lang sa isang talent search not in Hollywood but in a country somewhere in Europe. Hahahahahaha!

Ang nakatatawa, parang disoriented siya habang nagtatrabaho and not in her usual bubbly element.

Buti pa nga ‘yung male singer na rati’y member ng isang all male (?) boy band at talaga namang masasabing in tip-top shape pa ang machismo at glamorous pa ang hitsura.

Pero ang bombshell na pop singer ay malata (malata na raw, o! Hakhakhak!) na ang arrive at parang si Marilyn Monroe na nga noong nasa mid-30s siya before she supposedly committed suicide at the age of 36 which veritably shocked the world.

Sa totoo, kung hindi siya namamasilya (namamasilya raw talaga, o! Hahahahahaha! hitsura ng caru ever! Hahaha!) ay talaga namang malalim na ang mga gatla sa kanyang noo.

Dahil siguro ‘yan sa sobrang pagdo-droga nu’ng time na kasasagsagan ng kanyang disillusionment with the way her once prodigious singing career has shockingly backslided into obscurity a couple of years ago.

Well, nothing is permanent in this world save for changes, honey.

‘Yun lang!

***

Tilam-tilam si Aiza sa sex appeal at intelligence ni Derek!

AMUSED kami sa pagkakagulo kay Derek Ramsay ng entertainment press sa presscon ng A Secret Affair ng Viva films.

What’s funny is the question being asked of him is not about her leading ladies (Anne Curtis and Andi Eigenmann) but about Aiza Seguerra. Hahahahahaha!

Feel raw kasing magpabuntis nito kay Derek but basing from the way he was reacting parang he’s not amenable to the idea. Hahahahahaha!

No offense meant kay Aiza pero ang tipo ng babaeng trip kasi ni Derek ay ‘yung mga tall, svelte and long legged.

But he doesn’t need to make love with her naman. kailangan lang niyang mag-donate ng kanyang sperm and everything’s going to be smooth and easy. Hahahahahaha!

Anyway, going back to the Viva movie, marami ang nagsasabing it’s another blockbuster in the offing dahil super hit ‘yung last movie nina Derek at Anne, tapos may bago pang sahog this time in the person of lovely Andi Eigenmann.

October 24 pa ang playdate nito kaya you guys have all the time para mag-ipon para i-treat ninyo ang inyong chick sa movie event of the year na ‘to ni Direk Nuel Crisostomo Naval.

***

Showbiz inside report unbeatable!

WALA talaga kaming masabi sa staying power ng Saturday showbiz-oriented program ng ABS CBN, ang Showbiz Inside Report (SIR) that’s being anchored by the formidable foursome of showbiz news reporting na sina Joey ‘Tsong’ Marquez, Janice de Belen, Pareng Ogie Diaz at Ms. Carmina Villaroel.

Talaga namang it has become the showbiz oriented program to beat on a Saturday afternoon right after It’s Showtime.

Iba naman kasi kapag matatalino ang hosts at masasabing articulate to the full at pawang sensible ang mga sinasabi.

Kumpletos rekados rin silang maituturing dahil naririyan siyempre si Pareng Ogie at si Tsong Joey to provide some light moments with their wackiness and zany commentaries.

Suffice to say, perfect foil sila sa thought-provoking statements naman nina Carmina at Janice.

No wonder, unbeatable sila on a Saturday afternoon dahil innovative ang kanilang hosting styles.

‘Yun bang hindi naman alienated ang masa pero nakare-relate naman ang mga taong gustong makapanood ng mga sensible opinionating on national television.

‘Yun lang!

***

Sarap diva is Ms.Regine

BEGINNING October 6, bubulaga sa ating teevee screens ang naiibang wackiness ni Ms. Regine Velasquez as she talks about one thing that she loves to do most when she’s not busy with her numerous showbiz commitments – cooking.

“But I cook not when I’m pressured to do so but when I just want to,” she declares at the presscon of her new TV endeavor Sarap Diva. “Doon lumalabas ang aking creativity at know how sa pagluluto.”

Oo nga naman.

Anyhow, a Regine Velasquez show is never complete without hearing her sing a song or two.

Music will certainly be a part of the program and Ms. Regine will be joined in by some of her guests and her brother-in-law and musical director Raul Mitra in piano.

The show is being directed by Treb Monteras II.

***

Nananaba na sa kawalan ng pagkakaabalahan!

DAHIL ingrata’t impakta (ingrata’t impakta raw, o! Hahahahaha!), bagoong ang career ng maganda naman sana at mahusay umarteng young sexy actress na ‘to.

Dapat sana’y kasama siya sa soon-to-get shown movie ng kanyang mother studio pero dahil sobrang naging nega ang kanyang image dahil sa kababuyang ginawa niya sa kanyang immediate family members, pinalitan siya ng mas bata at mahusay ring aktres.

‘Yan naman kasi ang napapala ng mga taong sobrang nadadala ng kanilang kasikatan.

Ang di nila alam, everything in this world is fleeting and transitory.

Look at her now. The last time that we accidentally watch her on teevee, parang nawala na ang kanyang glow bilang artista at parang one of those starlets (one of those starlets raw, o! Hahahaha!) na lang siya.

Que pobrecita!

Kung dati-rati’y super svelte ang kanyang figure, dahil siguro sa boredom, into food tripping ang lola kaya medyo lomobo ang dati-rati’y halos anorexic na niyang pangangatawan. Hahahahahahaha!

‘Yan kasi ang napapala ng pagiging sobrang antipatika at maldita.

Mantakin mo, porke’t sikat na siya at tipong napag-iwanan na niya kung kasikatan ang pag-uusapan ang kanyang older sis, parang basahan na kung ituring niya ito gayung pinag-aral siya at ini-spoil ang luho.

Pati nanay niya ay parang katu na kung kanyang ituring at ‘yung last encounter nila ang grabe talaga!

Sinampal ba naman ang nanay niya kaya hayan, kinarma nang todo-todo. Hahahahahahaha!

Back to obscurity where she rightfully and truthfully belongs.

Dapat lang!

***

Vavalinang supot, ngawngaw nang ngawngaw

THIS halimaw named Vavalina Kuflangga (Vavalina Kuflangga raw, o! Hahahaha!) is unrelenting in posting some yosi-kadiri concoctions at the net about us.

Bakit kaya hindi na lang ang mukhang kabayo niyang mukha (Hahahahaha!) ang i-post niya roon para some people would have an idea on who’s envious between the two of us. Hahahahahaha!

At least ako, mukhang tao. E, si Vavalina, mukhang demonyo na, galisin pa at duldol infested! Hakhakhak!

Kung ganyan karumi ang balat ko, I’d rather die! I’d rather die raw, o!

But it’s not that important naman, I mean ‘yung physicality ng isang tao.

Ang importante, skin deep ang ganda ng pag-uugali.

E, ang demonyong baklang ito, numero unong inggrata. Manggagamit at baboy sa dilang baboy.

Yuck! So cheap this nanggigitata fag who’s not even bathing regularly.

Hahahahahaha!

So bahooooo! Hakhakhak!

At say mo, may pagka-exhibitionist pa, ang dumi-rumi naman ng balat!

Yuck!yuck!yuck!

Classmate nga kayo ni Bubonika na soo itim rin ang underarms at wetpalites. Hahahahahahaha!

Magpalit ka na nga pala ng panty, baklang mabahonga (baklang mabahonga raw, o! Harharhar!)!

Parang pang-ukay-ukay ang arrive ng panty mo kaya diring-diri sa ‘yo ang mga boys! Hahahahahahahaha1

Supot! Hahahahahahahaha!

PUTYUNG! Hakhakhak!

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.coam and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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