Bubonika, kung makapanglait akala mo’y star pa siya!

kris aquino 13

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Kung makapanglait itong si Crispy Chakah kay Kris Aquino, akala mo nama’y may career pa siya at uso pa.

How uproariously funny! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Mabuti pa nga si Kris Aquino at nakakuha ng more than 4% na rating pero itong si Bubonika ay swerte ng makakuha ng 1% na rating when her Juicy was still existing.

Harharharharharharharhar!

Hindi nga ba’t .08% lang ang nakukuha ng Juicy mo na kinuha mo sa amin?

Tinambakan ka na ng mga co-hosts but to no avail. Hahahahahahahaha!

Pero kung makapanglait ka kay Kris, you’re acting as if you’re still very much in vogue and still the queen of intrigues. Hahahaha!

Wala ka na, lola. Osla ka na at ang nilalait mong tao ay may career pa kahit papano. Hakhakhakhakhakakhakhak!

The 4% you’re mocking and belittling is fairly good, albeit not that impressive.

Pero ikaw na nagmamalaki at nangmamaliit ng tao ay wala pang !% ang nakuhang rating.

Honestly, Kris Aquino’s career is not that totally down as compared to this grossly obese matron who’s hosting style has long seen better days.

Kainin lang niya ang kanyang pride at kausapin si Mr. Gabby Lopez, makababalik pa siya sa ABS CBN. Ikaw, totally hopeless na at never ka ng makababalik sa Dos.

Sino ba naman ang tatanggap sa tulad mong puro kata at kita ang lumalabas sa iyong mamad na mga labi, aber? Hahahahahahahahahaha!

How so very amusing! Kung makapanglait ka’y para bang down and out na ang taong pinagsasalitaan mo. Kung merong laos at totally down and out na ang career, ikaw ‘yun, gurang.

Kung makapanglait kayo ng osla na ring si Lolita Biglang Chakah ay para bang in vogue pa rin kayo.

Sexcuseme, noh? Mga lehitimong laos na kayo at irrepairable ang damage na nangyari sa inyong career.

Sa totoo, piniperahan n’yo lang si Mama Doray n’yo, mga matatandang hidhid sa salapi!

Nakatatawang nagkukunwari pa ang dupang sa salaping si Lolita Biglang Chakah na hindi raw niya alam ang contact number ni Mama Doray n’ya.

Ulupong! Lokohin mo ang lelang mong panot!

Ikaw nga ang nagtatawag sa mga alipores mo para sa highly exclusive at strictly invitational kunong presscon n’yo, tapos you have the chutzpa to tell everyone that you don’t have her contact number?

Bugok! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Tanda-tanda mo na, bulaan ka pa!

Anyway, kung makapanglait kayo kay Kris, salitan at kung minsa’y sabay pa, pero lahat ng salita n’yo ay tumatalbog sa inyo, mga gurang na laos!

Laitin n’yo man siya nang laitin, she is comparable to the Phoenix who will rise when the right time comes along.

Bata pa siya at hindi hopeless na tulad ninyo. Besides, she’s a veritable beauty while both of you looks yucky and old.

Yucky and old daw, o! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Kaya magtigil-tigil na kayo sa kalalait sa kanya dahil higit na may career pa siya compared to the two of you, old biddies. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Mga gurang nga nga, pagkapapapangit pa! (Hayan ha? salitang-ugat ang inuulit mga gurang na mal-edukada! Hahahahahahahaha!) at mga lomod ang katawan.

Yuck!

Mahiya-hiya nga kayo sa mga balat n’yo!

Tsupi!

KRIS, PIPIRMA NG KONTRATA PARA SA ISANG HOLLYWOOD MOVIE

May offer si Kris Aquino na maging part ng isang Hollywood film: “Tonight I fly to Los Angeles to meet Chris Lee, my agent to sign my contract. I passed 5 levels of intense scrutiny and was offered a role. It is surreal to be reading the script from a major Hollywood studio watermarked on every page with my name.”

Pa’no na kayo niyan, mga gurang na bilasa! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

As of presstime, Kris Aquino has landed a role in a movie to be produced by a “big Hollywood studio.”

In a post on her Instagram account last April 16, the Queen of All Media averred that the offer came at a time when “a part of my spirit broke” after a series of career-related catastrophes.

Kris candidly admitted that she has lost two TV shows because a lot of people believe that hiring an Aquino for TV was a political risk not worth taking.

But God never sleeps. Hayan at kaliwa’t kanang lait ang natitikman niya courtesy of these old has been when the good news came along that she was given a chance to be part of a Hollywood film that she auditioned for.

“Something happened March 23, 2017- a Tony & Grammy award winning Broadway producer, Jhett Tolentino contacted me through Cong. Len Alonte and Manang Nene Chan.

“He was helping a Filipino-Chinese-American agent friend of his reach me to ask if I’d want to audition for a big Hollywood studio movie about to start filming.

“The pressure was I had to submit my reel in 72 hrs. I felt I had nothing to lose, so we went for it. 48 hrs after Jhett’s call, on March 25 we mounted an audition shoot in Manila Peninsula.”

To make a long story short, she passed the audition and is being offered a role for the still-unnamed Hollywood film.

“Tonight I fly to Los Angeles to meet Chris Lee, my agent to sign my contract,” she enthuses. “I passed 5 levels of intense scrutiny and was offered a role.

“It is surreal to be reading the script from a major Hollywood studio watermarked on every page with my name.

“I signed a non disclosure agreement so until they reveal my participation I can’t share any details about the movie & my role.”

Kris further enthused, “I am proof that in life doors will shut & there will be heartbreaking setbacks but FAITH in God’s plan will open new, unexpected doors. We just need to trust in His Love, Provision, Restoration & Perfect Timing.

“To my siblings & sons- I share this blessing w/ you. THANK YOU for being my strength.”

JAK ROBERTO, IBANG-IBA NA!

Kapansin pansin ang change na nangyayari sa karakter ni Andoy na pino-portray ni Jak Roberto sa Meant To Be. Last week nga, nag-uumapaw sa kilig ang mga naging eksena sa ginagawang panliligaw ni Andoy to win Billie’s (Barbie Forteza) heart.

Sobra ang pagpapakilig na ginawa nito sa netizens dahil sa date na inihanda niya for Billie.

In fact, may mga nabasa nga kami na comments sa social media wherein wini-wish nila na sana sila na lang daw ang ka-date ni Andoy!

But for Jak, nag-level up lang daw ang karakter niya sa serye. “Yung character ko mas tamed pa rin sa aming apat. Kalmado, pero mas nadagdagan ‘yung lakas ng loob ni Andoy kasi nagko-compete na kami sa isa’t isa. Meron nang rivalry,” kwento ng Kapuso actor.

That’s the spirit, Andoy! Pero, sapat na nga kaya ang upgrade niyang ito para makuha ang matamis na “oo” ni Billie? Yan ang dapat abangan weeknights sa GMA!

KRIS BERNAL, LALONG PINAINIT ANG SUMMER

Dumagdag sa init ng summer si Kris Bernal dahil sa sizzling photos na ipinost nito noong long weekend while in Malaysia.

Talagang ibang klaseng pag-level up na nga ang ginawa ng Kapuso actress!

Marami tuloy sa followers ng Impostora lead star ang manghang-mangha sa sexy figure nito.

Tanong nila ay kung ganito rin daw ba ang Kris na makikita nila sa upcoming Afternoon Prime series ng GMA lalo pa’t recently ay nagpost din siya ng kanyang beach body with her leading man na si Rafael Rosell. Yan ang dapat nating abangan sa Impostora na malapit nang mapanood sa GMA.

JESTONI ALARCON, ENJOY KATRABAHO SINA JACLYN JOSE AT KATRINA HALILI

Naikuwento recently ni Jestoni Alarcon na magaan daw katrabaho ang mga co-stars niya sa D’ Originals na sina Jaclyn Jose at Katrina Halili.

Kahit nga raw pangangaliwa sa asawa ang tema ng programa nila, magaan pa rin niya itong nagagawa dahil sa professionalism ng mga kasama niya rito.

“Masaya kami sa set kasi ito’y dramedy. Professional silang makatrabaho. Hindi mabigat ‘yung mga eksena so tawanan lang and magaling si Direk Adolf Alix, Jr. na sanay sa ganitong tema ng storya,” sagot niya.

Nagsimula na nga ang series ng GMA na D’ Originals. And agree kami kay Jestoni na para lang silang nagkukulitan dito. Ano pa kayang funny moments ang aabangan namin dito tuwing hapon?

GERALD ANDERSON EXCITED NA MAKAGAWANG MULI NG PELIKULA KASAMA SI ARCI MUÑOZ

Gerald Anderson is slated to start shooting his second movie with comely Arci Muñoz.

“I’m excited. I’m ready to shoot the movie,” he enthused in an interview.

The movie, titled Can We Still Be Friends,has a good story material that viewers will positively like.

“Kakaibang istorya rin,” he quipped. “Nakausap ko yung writer ng movie namin, bihira raw nangyayari na kapag prinesent sa Star [Cinema] yung script, okay na kaagad, yung walang changes.”

Compared with their previous movie Always Be My Maybe, Gerald averred, “I think mas maganda ito. I mean, siyempre, lahat ng mga tao sinasabi ‘to, na ‘yon ang ine-expect nila. Hindi pa kasi kami nagsu-shooting.

“But sa istorya pa lang, I know it’s something na alam kong maraming makare-relate katulad ng last movie namin ni Arci.”

“It’s another relatable movie na gagawin namin para sa mga tao.”

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at peteampoloquiojr@gmail.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong! DAPAT LANG!/PETE G. AMPOLOQUIO, JR.

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